WHOA! OK. We’ll start on the most disturbing one. No, this isn’t a recreational Coke-bottle-insertion gone horribly wrong – this guy was actually assaulted with the Coke bottle. Two guys stole his buffaloes, and then stuck it to him. Literally. Yeah. I said it.
The setting? The Chinese Cultural Revolution. 1967. A time of political and social unrest. So turbulent were the times, in fact, that Hou Guoying managed to get SHOT IN THE FACE and refrain from seeking medical treatment. What, are you too busy to get the bullet REMOVED FROM YOUR FACE? She had a terrible headache come 1978, when an X-ray showed this bullet lodged in her face. She chose not to have it removed, thinking that she’d lived that long with it, and that the crappy medical facilities would surely botch it up. Come 2010 she finally got the bullet removed. I don’t know about you, but I’d have that thing bronzed or something.
First off, this doesn’t look like a real X-ray to me, but news reports call it that, so it makes it into the list. Secondly, even if it isn’t an X-ray, DAMN! How does that happen? Well, first you go to a nightclub. Then you insult somebody’s brother. Then that person whose brother you insulted? He throws a metal chair at your face. In fact, he impales your face on the chair leg, so that it (the chair leg) goes in through your left eye socket and ends up lodged in your throat. THROUGH YOUR EYE SOCKET! The guy this happened to, Shafique el-Fahkri, has no hard feelings. Pain meds probably have a lot to do with that attitude.
Chalk this one up to stupidity. Simon Hooper wanted to propose to his lady friend. Unable to shell out any money on an engagement ring he swallowed it while the jeweler looked the other way. Unconvinced that the ring had vanished into thin air, the jeweler called the police, who detained Hooper and waiting three days for the ring to reappear. Hopper spent 12 more weeks in jail, the ring was returned to the jeweler, and all was well. Except for, nobody wanted to buy a ring that had passed through someone’s whole digestive tract. Ew. Gives new meaning to the term “crappy jewelry.”
Uh. Has anyone seen my keys? I found ‘em! They’re in the baby’s face! Oh calm down. The baby was fine.
This guy WASN’T fine. He was, in fact, dead. He was shot with thirty nails, tied up with electrical wires and extension cords, rolled in an area rug, and bundled up. Toss him into an icy river, and we may as well call him Rasputin. Right? Right? Oh forget it.
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